For a lot of parents, concern around drinking shows up as a feeling you can’t quite name—a moment where you pause and think, Something here deserves a closer look, even if nothing is obviously wrong. That moment is familiar to therapeutic consultant Joanna Lilley. Although she spends most of her time working with young adults, it’s usually parents who reach out first. “They usually are coming to me when they have exhausted a lot of their local resources or their network,” she says. “And in addition to exhausting that network, they’re also just concerned about their child.”

For many young people, their first drink isn’t about getting drunk. It’s about feeling like they belong. When you look at early drinking through that lens, the whole conversation changes. It’s less about “bad behavior” and more about identity, pressure, and connection.

Many people feel exhausted day to day, but also feel like they still can’t fully rest. Sleep feels light, and stress may linger. Even during quiet moments, the body feels keyed up, like it never quite knows how to power down. Zoe Conner, who holds a PhD in physics and now works in functional wellness, describes this “tired but wired” feeling as a systems problem, not a personal failure.