Why Am I Hiding My Drinking? What Secret Drinking Can Mean
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Grief can follow a death, divorce, estrangement, or another major change. There’s no single correct way to respond, and wanting a few hours of relief from painful feelings is understandable.
Alcohol can seem to provide that relief. It might make an empty evening more manageable or help you fall asleep. But has drinking become something you increasingly depend on?
Why Alcohol Can Feel Like Relief During Grief
Alcohol can temporarily make painful thoughts feel less overwhelming. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, alcohol affects the brain’s reward and stress systems. Repeated drinking can strengthen associations between alcohol and emotional relief.
You might begin to crave a drink when you get home to an empty house or encounter a reminder of your loss.
A meta-analysis of 229 studies found that drinking to cope with difficult emotions was associated with more alcohol-related problems. A separate study of college students who had experienced sudden loss found an association between depressive symptoms and coping-motivated drinking.
Neither study establishes that grief causes problematic drinking. But the findings help explain why relying on alcohol for emotional relief is something to pay attention to.
Having a drink after a loss won’t inevitably lead to a problem. Still, it may be worth asking whether alcohol is one of several ways you find comfort or whether it’s becoming your main coping strategy.
How Alcohol Can Make Grief Harder to Manage
Alcohol may temporarily soften difficult emotions, but its effects can continue into the following day. Poor sleep, anxiety, and physical discomfort can make an already exhausting period more difficult.
That doesn’t mean alcohol prevents you from grieving properly or necessarily makes grief last longer. However, drinking can introduce additional challenges.
Alcohol can disrupt your sleep
Grief often affects sleep. You might struggle to fall asleep, wake during the night, or find that bedtime brings up difficult thoughts.
Alcohol can make you drowsy, but that doesn’t mean it improves sleep quality. A 2025 systematic review of 27 studies found that alcohol delayed REM sleep and reduced its duration.
The research wasn’t conducted specifically among grieving people, and the clinical significance remains uncertain. Still, drinking to fall asleep may interfere with normal sleep patterns.
Anxiety and low mood may feel worse the next day
For some people, the calm alcohol provides soon gives way to increased anxiety as its effects wear off. Poor sleep and physical discomfort can compound the sadness or stress you’re already experiencing.
Grief itself also affects mood and energy, so not every difficult morning is alcohol-related. Consider whether you consistently feel more anxious after drinking than after alcohol-free nights.
Other sources of comfort may become less available
When you’re grieving, even ordinary activities can require considerable effort. If drinking becomes your automatic response to distress, you may find yourself calling friends, attending appointments, or participating in familiar routines less often.
This is one reason stress drinking can become habitual. Pausing before a drink may help you keep other coping options available.
Signs Alcohol Is Becoming Your Main Coping Tool
Drinking more during grief doesn’t automatically mean you have alcohol use disorder. But certain changes may suggest alcohol is becoming difficult to manage:
- Drinking earlier, more frequently, or more than intended
- Feeling like you need alcohol to sleep or get through difficult events
- Trying to cut back but returning to the same pattern
- Hiding how much you drink
- Missing responsibilities or withdrawing from relationships because of drinking
- Needing more alcohol to experience the same effects
These patterns overlap with clinical criteria for alcohol use disorder, although experiencing one doesn’t necessarily mean you have the condition.
You don’t need a diagnosis to seek support. If drinking is creating problems or becoming difficult to control, that’s reason enough to speak with a healthcare professional.
If you experience shaking, sweating, nausea, or a racing heart when alcohol wears off, seek medical guidance promptly. Severe withdrawal symptoms, including seizures or confusion, require emergency care.
Grief, Depression, and Alcohol Problems Aren’t the Same Thing
Grief can be unpredictable. You might feel relatively okay one day and overwhelmed the next, particularly around anniversaries or unexpected reminders. There’s no set timeline for how you should feel.
Prolonged grief disorder is a clinical diagnosis involving persistent, intense grief after a death. According to the American Psychiatric Association, it can be diagnosed in adults at least one year after the death when symptoms cause significant impairment and exceed what’s expected within their cultural or social context.
Depression can share symptoms with grief, but they’re not interchangeable. It’s also possible to experience depression or alcohol-related problems while grieving.
A mental health professional can help you understand what you’re experiencing. Grief counseling and alcohol-focused care address different needs, and you may benefit from both.
What to Do When Grief Makes You Want to Drink
When grief feels overwhelming, advice to exercise or find a new hobby can seem inadequate. Rather than searching for one perfect substitute for alcohol, consider a few realistic options for difficult moments.
When evenings feel especially difficult
If evenings are when you most often drink, consider preparing a meal, changing rooms, or calling someone who knows that time of day is hard.
You don’t have to commit to an entire alcohol-free evening. Sometimes putting a little time between the urge and the decision helps. These strategies for delaying alcohol cravings may be useful.
When you’re facing an anniversary or family gathering
If alcohol will be available, decide beforehand whether you want to drink and what limits feel manageable.
You might tell someone you trust about your plan or arrange a way to leave if you’re overwhelmed. It’s okay to attend briefly, decline an invitation, or change your plans.
When you’ve had a difficult night of drinking
If you’ve drunk more than intended, try not to turn the following morning into another source of distress or guilt.
Once you’re feeling better, consider what happened before you started drinking. Were you alone, struggling to sleep, or reminded of your loss? Understanding those circumstances can help you recognize patterns without blaming yourself.
When you need longer-term support
A therapist, grief counselor, support group, primary care clinician, or trusted person may be able to help. You can also track your drinking for a week or two to identify situations that make alcohol more appealing.
The goal isn’t to eliminate grief or expect yourself to feel better on a schedule. It’s to avoid adding alcohol-related difficulties to what you’re already experiencing.
When to Seek Professional Help
You don’t need to wait until drinking feels out of control to ask for support. A healthcare professional can help you explore your options without requiring you to commit to a particular goal.
If you’ve been drinking heavily or regularly, speak with a clinician before stopping suddenly. Alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening.
Seek emergency care for seizures, severe confusion, difficulty breathing, or a suspected overdose. Combining alcohol with opioids, benzodiazepines, or other sedating medications can be especially dangerous.
If you’re experiencing thoughts of suicide or an emotional crisis, call or text 988. For alcohol treatment referrals, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
How Sunnyside Med Can Help With Grief-Related Drinking
Grief and alcohol use may require different kinds of support. Sunnyside Med doesn’t treat grief, but it can help people whose drinking has increased after a loss.
Sunnyside Med is a 100% online program combining prescription medication with clinical care and behavioral support. After an online assessment, you’ll meet with a licensed clinician to determine whether treatment is appropriate.
Eligible members may receive compounded naltrexone with vitamin B6. Naltrexone can reduce alcohol cravings and the rewarding effects of drinking. The program also includes drink tracking, personalized planning, unlimited one-on-one clinical support, human coaching, and a private community. These resources can help you change your drinking habits while you seek support for your grief.
Among active Sunnyside Med members, 78% achieved a meaningful reduction in drinking over 12 weeks. Individual results vary.
If you’d like support changing your drinking, complete a brief online assessment to see whether Sunnyside Med is appropriate for you.
This content is for educational purposes and isn’t a substitute for medical advice. Naltrexone is a prescription medication, and a licensed clinician determines whether it’s appropriate for each individual.
