Last Updated on March 18, 2026

Marci Hopkins doesn’t describe her early life as dramatic or unusual at the time — it was simply the environment her nervous system adapted to. “Living in a place of unease was normal for me,” she says. “A lot of that had to do with my upbringing.”

Her mother had her at a very young age. There was physical abuse from her mother’s boyfriend. At six years old, Marci was given a decision no child should have to make: stay with her mother or move in with her grandparents. “I didn’t feel safe with my mother, and I didn’t want to be around her boyfriend,” she says. “So I made the decision to move in with my grandparents.”

Safety, however, didn’t mean stability.

While her grandmother provided care and consistency, the household was marked by volatility. “My grandfather… had a very extreme temper,” Marci says. “Living there… with that anger in the house and the explosiveness and then acting like nothing happened was very hard to navigate as a young child.”

The unpredictability mattered. Fear lingered even when nothing was happening. “Your nervous system is on edge all the time, not knowing when the next time it’s going to happen,” she says.

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When Marci moved back in with her mother at age 12, she hoped for a fresh start — and for a version of family life that finally felt safe. Instead, alcohol quietly embedded itself into her world.

“I will say that the first time that I got drunk was at their wedding,” she says. “I was 12 years old.”

Drinking wasn’t hidden or discouraged. It was everywhere. “Drinking was very normalized in my life with my mother,” she says. “She drank all the time. Even my grandfather drank a lot.”

By her early teens, alcohol was simply part of being included. “We would go on family vacations, and I’m 13 and being allowed to participate and having a drink,” she says. “So it just became part of life for me.”

That normalization laid the groundwork for something deeper. After returning to live with her mother and stepfather, Marci experienced sexual abuse — a trauma that fundamentally changed how she related to herself and the world. “I lost who I was as a young girl,” she says. “Lost Marci.”

Alcohol, at first, was about survival. “What I did do is I started using alcohol to cope,” she says.

Chaos as a Pattern, Not a Phase

As Marci moved into adolescence and adulthood, chaos didn’t disappear — it replicated itself in new forms. Relationships became volatile. Alcohol became central. “Most of my relationships were very volatile because that’s what I was used to,” she says. “A lot of alcohol involved, a lot of screaming, fighting.”

Even when things seemed calm, peace felt unfamiliar. “When that’s what you know… you will then create the chaos if you’re not having it,” she says. “If there’s any peace or quiet, it’s very uncomfortable.”

This pattern extended into her twenties and thirties. Drinking changed shape but didn’t disappear. “It was more about having a couple glasses of wine every night,” she says. “Then it was… that mommy culture, the wine culture.”

Alcohol became woven into daily life — playdates, weekends, social bonding. It didn’t look alarming from the outside. But it was still doing work beneath the surface.

The Moment of Recognition

One of the earliest moments of clarity came unexpectedly.

Marci recalls walking past a pool in an apartment complex in her early twenties, catching her reflection in a glass pane. “I see this reflection of myself, and it was my mom,” she says. “I was like, ‘Oh my God, I cannot become my mother.’”

The recognition was visceral. “I literally ended up gathering all of my stuff, and I left,” she says.

Still, insight didn’t equal permanence. There were attempts to stop. Attempts to moderate. Mandated breaks after a DUI. “I did stop drinking for about three months,” she says. “But after that, I tried to navigate and normalize my drinking as much as I could.”

Like many people, Marci could function. She could work. She could parent. “Most people probably wouldn’t call what I was doing normal,” she says. “But it seemed normal.”

When Moderation Stops Working

In her forties, pressure intensified. Marci stepped into public-facing work, raising old insecurities to the surface. “All of my insecurities, my lack of self-love, feeling judged all the time, that all came up,” she says.

Wine became a tool. “I started using wine as liquid courage,” she says. “Which then just increased my drinking.”

Eventually, the hiding started. “It’s an addictive substance,” she says. “I was using it too much.”

Her final DUI at age 45 forced a reckoning. “I knew that my life was… I was going to lose everything that I had built,” she says. “For me, it was so much more important to have my family, versus another drink.”

This time, the decision stuck.

Why Abstinence Was the Answer — For Her

Marci is clear that she tried to make moderation work. “The year prior, I did stop drinking,” she says. “But then I convinced myself that I could drink, that it was not a problem.”

It didn’t hold. “I realized that I myself, I couldn’t tailor to drinking,” she says. “Abstinence was my answer for change in my life.”

The clarity came from self-awareness, not moral judgment. “It’s not about willpower,” she says. “It was just recognizing that for me, I couldn’t drink anymore.”

For her, moderation required constant mental negotiation. “There’s so much mental energy that goes into that,” she says. “I would think about it all the time.”

Removing alcohol altogether created space for healing.

Rebuilding From the Inside Out

Sobriety didn’t erase the past — it exposed it. “When I quit drinking, it enabled me to face all those demons that I had been pushing down for so very long,” Marci says.

Over time, she developed what she now calls the CARE method: communication, asking for help, reinforcing boundaries, and embracing worth.

She explains that communication was the first shift. “I was a very reactive person,” she says. Learning to use “I statements” instead of blame changed everything.

Asking for help followed. “I felt so much guilt and shame about asking for help,” she says. “Helping others to know that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s actually a sign of strength.”

Boundaries came next. “No is a complete sentence,” she says. “We become people pleasers… and then we are burnt out.”

And finally, worth. “Finding that worth, embracing that you’re worthy,” she says. “Knowing that nobody needs to validate you.”

The Belief That Changed Everything

When asked what belief shifted the most, Marci doesn’t hesitate. “I’m worthy of love,” she says.

For years, worth was external. “The only worth that I had was what was on the outside,” she says. Aging felt terrifying. Losing appearance felt like losing value.

Today, that belief no longer holds. “I today fully love myself,” she says. “I’m proud of myself.”

The clarity she describes isn’t about perfection. It’s about alignment — between behavior, values, and self-trust. “When you love yourself, and you have self-worth,” she says, “you’re the best version of yourself.”

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