Last Updated on March 18, 2026

For many young people, their first drink isn’t about getting drunk. It’s about feeling like they belong.

When you look at early drinking through that lens, the whole conversation changes. It’s less about “bad behavior” and more about identity, pressure, and connection.

Therapeutic consultant Joanna Lilley works with young adults during this pivotal stage of life. She explains that this population is unique because, legally, they can make decisions for themselves. But developmentally, they’re still growing into adulthood.

“I didn’t want to be a therapist, but I wanted to know how to help young people,” she says. That blend of understanding and guidance is exactly what makes her perspective valuable.

She points out that young adults often still rely heavily on parents or their network, even while trying to assert independence. That’s why she calls this period “prime opportunity for lots of support needed.”

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Why This Stage Is So Pivotal

In this transition from high school to adulthood, young people are trying to figure out who they are, who their people are, and where they fit in. Joanna explains that a key developmental component is the network, i,e., their community and relationships.

“Who’s your community?” she asks. “A part of that is exploration.”

And exploration often comes with experimentation. Drinking can be a way to test boundaries, signal belonging, or cope with social anxiety. The problem isn’t the drinking itself. It’s when drinking becomes the default strategy for connection, and then starts to carry consequences.

Joanna describes how young people often reach awareness in two ways: socially, or through external consequences.

“Is it impacting me socially?” she asks. “Am I getting in trouble legally? Am I getting in trouble at school?”

That’s the moment when the costs start to outweigh the benefits, and the person realizes the behavior isn’t serving them.

When “Normal” Stops Feeling Right

One of the biggest challenges in this age group is the myth of “normal.” What’s normal varies wildly depending on the social circle, family culture, and community.

“You can’t compare your child or yourself,” Joanna says. “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

She believes the modern world has made it harder to know what’s normal because so much of our reference point is based on social media or online narratives.

“If our reference point for what is normal is just what we see online,” she explains, “then we’re going to get skewed data.”

That’s why young people need to look outside of their own limited reference points and ask real people about real experiences.

Why “Forever” Is the Wrong Starting Point

One of the biggest fears young people have is that if they admit there’s a problem, they’ll be expected to stop drinking forever. Joanna points out that this can be terrifying.

“The idea of being sober forever is such a foreign concept,” she says. “It means life’s not going to be fun.”

That fear makes it harder to ask for help, and harder to even admit there’s a problem. The solution, Joanna says, is to offer a more realistic option:

“It’s so much easier to say, let’s just not drink for now. Let’s give it ninety days and see what happens.”

A short pause creates space for clarity. Young adults can notice what changes when they stop drinking—better sleep, improved focus, fewer cravings—and then make a more informed decision about what they want going forward.

Connection, Not Control

One of the most powerful parts of Joanna’s perspective is her emphasis on connection over control.

“The opposite of addiction is connection, right?” she says.

Instead of trying to scare young people into sobriety, Joanna suggests offering them alternative social options and supportive relationships.

“We can match them almost with, like, a coach or a mentor that also has lived recovery experience,” she says. “Let me continue to be an ally for you.”

She emphasizes that this isn’t about forcing someone into a new identity. It’s about offering exposure to different ways of living and letting young people make their own decisions.

Where to Start When You’re Unsure

If a young person is unsure whether their drinking is becoming a problem, Joanna suggests starting with connections.

“It’s about the network,” she says. “It’s about the community.”

If they have a supportive family, she recommends asking for help connecting with a therapist or coach. And she’s quick to call out the stigma that still exists around seeking help.

“If you’re not seeing a therapist, I don’t know why, but it still exists where a stigma is there,” she says.

Her point is simple: seeking support doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re paying attention.

And she also reminds us that finding the right support takes time. It’s like shopping for clothes: you might try a few options before you find the right fit.

“It takes time to find the right fit,” she says. “Sometimes we change. So what fit before may not fit in the future.”

There’s no single definition of “normal,” especially when it comes to drinking. What matters is whether young people feel connected, supported, and aligned with their values as they figure out who they are becoming.

Awareness doesn’t arrive all at once. It builds through experience, reflection, and the freedom to ask honest questions without being rushed toward an answer.

Learn more about the possibilities of mindful drinking with a 15-day free trial of Sunnyside.

What is Sunnyside?

Sunnyside is a mindful drinking and alcohol moderation app that can help change your habits around alcohol using a proven, science-backed method. Whether you want to become a more mindful drinker, drink less, or eventually quit drinking, Sunnyside can help you reach your goals. We take a positive, friendly approach to habit change, so you never feel judged or pressured to quit.

When you join Sunnyside, you’ll start by completing a 3-minute private assessment so we can learn a bit about you. Once that’s done, you’ll get a 15-day free trial to test out everything, including our daily habit change tools, tracking and analytics, community and coaching, and education and resources. It’s a full package designed specifically to adapt to your goals and help you reach them gradually, so you can make a huge impact on your health and well-being.

Sunnyside is a digital habit and behavior-change program that is incredibly effective on its own, but can also be the perfect complement to other work you’re doing to cut down on drinking, whether that includes talk therapy or medication such as Naltrexone.

Get your 15-day free trial of Sunnyside today, and start living your healthiest life.